If we’re honest we’ve all felt frustrated when riding at one point or another in our riding career. Maybe you’ve felt frustration because you weren’t progressing as you hoped or you didn’t click with your horse? Whatever your ambitions are with your horse, enjoying the partnership or winning competitions, there are so many reasons why we might feel frustrated when riding.
Frustration can act like a trigger to a whole heap of other less than helpful emotions, which can lead to a cycle of us being hard on ourselves and feeling like a failure. If not handled properly, frustration can be quite damaging.
“Frustration, although quite painful at times, is a very positive and essential part of success.”
Bo Bennett
Interestingly men and women experience, and react to, anger and frustration in different ways. Researchers at Southwest Missouri State University found;
- Men tend to accept and embrace both anger and frustration and so can use both to their advantage
- Women view frustration and anger as counter-productive
- Men felt ineffective when asked to hold their emotions in
- Women didn’t feel constricted when asked to hold their emotions in
- A correlation between men being assertive and expressing anger outwardly (not found with the women)
- Women considered their anger negatively. Calling it frustration more often. They could still using their anger to help them change a situation.
- Due to social expectations, women often camouflaged their anger and frustration and find other routes to get results they desire
“A horseman should know neither fear, nor anger”
James Rarey
Why do we get frustrated when riding?
Often people who struggle with frustration don’t have a clear plan of what they should be focused on when training their horse. Their goals are vague and they shift regularly. So they never really know where they are headed or whether or not they’re on track. This means every little bump in the road feels like a huge mountain, because they lack the perspective that systematic training would give them. It’s hard to know when you’ve succeeded when you’re not clear where you’re headed.
“Your frustration begins where your knowledge ends”
Clinton Anderson
So what you can do?
Change your perception of frustration
Studies have shown that frustration can be dealt with effectively by reframing how it’s perceived. Day-to-day stressors help people build up the necessary skills to tackle difficult situations in the future. In another study participants who were told that physiological signs of stress helped them better cope with it, went on to view stress as helpful. This shows that if the perception of stress and frustration is changed people can handle whatever comes your way more effectively.
Stop what you’re doing
Whenever you feel frustration creeping in, just stop. If you’re schooling go straight to a walk break. The key is to interrupt the pattern. Get some distance from what you were focused on and this will prevent you feeling frustrated when riding.
Albert Einstein famously said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different outcome”. So don’t be insane. Stop, take a break, then regroup and try again.
Take deep breaths
Breathing is so powerful, but sometimes when we’re riding we can completely forget to do it! Focusing on your breathing and taking slow breaths can help calm you physically. It will also give you time to calm your mind and think more objectively. When your breathing is shallow, you’ll be restricting the oxygen coming into your system, so deep breathing will help to restore this, as well as slowing your heartbeat and lowering your blood pressure.
Explore what’s happening
Thinking about the reasons behind the frustration is very important. Think about;
- What specifically are you trying to do?
- Which process have you followed to accomplish it?
- What worked well?
- Specifically is making you frustrated?
- What are you telling yourself about your riding and/or your horse’s performance?
- Could there be another reaction to the situation?
- Where were you 6 months ago or a year ago?
- How would you feel if you knew that everything was happening to lead you to exactly where you want to go?
Use the frustration
If you’re trying achieve a goal and getting frustrated as a result, think about what the situation is telling you? What do you have to learn to move forward?
- Is there something that you’ve forgotten how to do?
- What are you missing?
- Is your mind subconsciously removing, distorting or generalising things?
Remember ‘this too shall pass‘
Frustration is often a fleeting emotion. It will change and when you acknowledge this it’s easier to let it go and not feel as powerless. Think of how you’ll feel in a day or a week when this emotion has passed and it will help you minimise it’s effects.
Change your language
Do you ‘should’ all over yourself? So many riders do! The ‘shoulds’, ‘musts’ ‘would’ves’ are a plenty! Often these people have very high expectations of themselves and this causes them to put themselves under lots of pressure.
Next time you think you ‘should’ do something, think ‘who says?’. Try to find the source your frustration. Who or what is triggering these restrictions you are putting on yourself?
Give yourself a break
We have so many things to think about other than our riding. We have jobs, friends, family, bills to pay and every day life to contend with. We’re doing all of this while trying our very best to progress in our chosen hobby. Trying to be the best we can be and sometimes it’s a tall order.
When you’re setting goals, you want these goals to push you…. BUT you also need them to be realistic when you consider all the other aspects of your life.
Work on something else
When a situation is frustrating you, switch tasks and do something else. For us riders, for example, if we’re schooling and we hit a roadblock that’s causing us frustration, we could go for a hack down the lane instead. Distracting ourselves from the situation is an effective way to reduce many emotions, including frustration.
Riders are a special type of people. We work very hard to keep our horses and most riders also work hard to improve their riding and strengthen their partnership with their horses. The majority of us put way too much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect rider, but we can’t live up to this expectation and this can lead to frustration. We need to learn how to be kind to ourselves and realise that perfection doesn’t exist. The fact that we want to improve is wonderful, but succumbing to frustration is totally pointless.
How have you stopped feeling frustrated when riding?
Also read: How your mindset controls your riding